31

Today is my 31^st birthday.  Yippee.  *eh-huummm* I mean, yippeeeeeeee!!!  Birthdays have always been a huge cause for celebration in my family, but this year, I’m just not feeling it.  However, instead of dwelling on the fact that my eggs are another year older and I still don’t have a baby in my arms, I’m going to make a list of 31 people or things that I am thankful for and blessed to have in my life.  In no particular order they are:

1.  Mr. Mags – He makes me laugh and does the cutest things that warm my heart.

2.  B Dog – Seriously, look at that face!  LOOK AT THAT FACE!!  He is always SO happy to see me. 

3.  Z Cat – I call her my little cuddle bunny.  She loves to sleep.  She is always so happy to be curled up on me. 

4.  P Cat – Suuure, he looks all cute and cuddly here, but he is cah-razy.

5.  G Cat – Such a sweet old guy.  We got him when he was 12 (3 years ago).  He is just so happy to have a comfy, not to mention heated thanks to Mr. Mags, bed to sleep on.  (Sadly I don’t have a picture of him with me.)

6.  Champagne – Bubbles make everything better. 

7.  My BFF K – We have been friends since we were 3 years old.  She tells me like it is and vise versa. Plus, she likes bubbles even more than me!  She totes gets her own post soon.

8.  Cheese – Really?  I need a reason?

9.  Mom & Dad – They are super cute and always there for me.  They make an amazing role model for Mr. Mags and me.  High school sweethearts and still in love!  Plus, they made me, duh!

10.  My Father-in-Law – I don’t see him too often, but it’s awesome that he treats me like his own child and I know he loves me.

11.  My Baking – It keeps me busy.  Here is my latest project.  Cupcakes for a first birthday, as pink as I could get them! 

12.  My Sissy – She is part me. We are part each other. 

13.  Coffee – It is responsible for waking two of my senses, which is really important.

14.  Acupuncture – The most expensive best nap ever!

15.  My Friend L – She always listens to me.  I mean really listens.

16.  My Friend A – She is my IF mentor and funny as hell.

17.  Hawaii – It’s one of my favorite places to go.  Mr. Mags and I got engaged there.  I’ve been numerous times and it never get’s old.  

18.  My Hair – Sure, it sounds a bit vein, but it’s a feature I am proud of. 

19.  My Job – I don’t love it.  Hell, I don’t even like it, but it’s a job and I have been without before and that, well, sucks.  Plus my boss has been more than understanding and flexible about all of the Dr.’s appointments and time off needed for IF stuff.

20.  Old Musicals – They take me back to my childhood and I love to sing along!  Other people watching love that I sing along too, swear!

21.  Italy – Mr. Mags and I went there for our honeymoon.  Amore.

22.  Email/Texting – How else would I stay in touch with people?

23.  Nature – It’s always different and changing and so darned pretty.

24.  My DVR – Mr. Mags doesn’t have to watch the latest Lifetime movie and I don’t have to watch The Ultimate Fighter.  Win-win.

25.  Elliptical Machines – I’m not a huge fan, but I know it’s good for me.

26.  A Roof Over My Head – Always a plus to have one of those.

27.  Science – Because of all of those smart scientist people we have IVF!

28.  My Bed – Just about the only time I’m able to shut my mind off.

29.  Pictures – It’s nice to have a visual to accompany those memories.

30.  Prayer/Meditation – Haven’t done much of that lately, but I am hopping to reacquaint myself with it soon.

31.  IF Blog World – Much needed support.

Well, that wasn’t as tough as I thought it would be.  In fact, I think I could go on!  After reading over my list, I see I do have a lot to be thankful for.  If you were kind enough to read this far, thank you.  It means a lot to me that people take interest in what I have to say and look --> I have a few followers!  Awesome.  *happy dance* You guys rock.

Alright, time for me to go blow out some candles and have a cocktail!  Oh, wait, it’s only 3:00 P.M..  Damn.  A few more hours and then I will be headed to Mom and Dads with Mr. Mags (and B Dog of course) for a dinner sure to include cheese and bubbles.  Not too shabby.  Happy birthday to me!

LJ’s 3rd Birthday

As I mentioned in my previous post Mr. Mags and I spent September 11^th celebrating our friends L and B’s sons third birthday.  They have two boys, also L and B to make things nice and confusing for you!  SO, we will go with LJ and BR.  BR is just three months old and as cute as could be.  LJ holds a special place in my heart though, not sure why.  Mr. Mags and I love to hang out with him.  I mean, he’s cool.  He’s 3 and he just has that cool vibe.  Probably because his parents are uber cool too.  I have known L for 13 years-yikes!  We lived in the dorms together as freshman when we were in college, then moved to an apartment complex with different roomies, but right next door to each other, then into a giant house with 7 other girls (that would be a story for a whole other blog!) and finally into a smaller house with one other friend our senior year.  We’ve been through a lot and are always there fore each other.  She knows of our IF struggles and always lends a sympathetic ear.  And more importantly she is a total foodie.  And a size 4.  AFTER having kids.  Think tiny, adorable, spitfire of a woman with the appetite of a football player.  SO not fair, but I digress. 

So we arrived to the party of 5 ½ screaming kids (1/2 being BR) and several adults.  LJ saw me and screamed “Maaaaaaaaaaags!!!!”  It’s so nice to be loved by children.  He bounded out of the bouncy house and gave us big hugs.  L came over and told us that when anyone asked who LJ invited to his party he always responded “Mags.  Mags and Mr. Mags.  Mr. Mags is my friend.”  *Begin tugging at heart strings, incident one.* 

We greeted everyone and got settled in.  It was a happy surprise to see an old from college, it had been a few years.  Her kids were there having a grand old time.  After a while I looked around and realized Mr. Mags and I were the only ones without kids, aside from LJ’s REAL aunt and uncle who were in attendance.  (They decided long ago to live child free.) I began to feel pathetic.  Seriously, what was I doing at a 3 year olds birthday party sans kids?!?  Yes, I did make him a special cake as requested: dinosaurs.  But honestly, I looked around and began to feel very self conscious.  Am I that couple that gets invited to all of the birthday parties and special events and people look at us and think, “Ooooh, that’s so sad, you can see it in their eyes.  They wanted kids so bad, but it never happened.  What a shame.”  *Continue tugging at heart strings, incident two.* 

Then I was asked to hold BR for a while-Yippee!  Babies!  As I was holding him, he spit up a little which didn’t really bother me, but BR’s grandma came over and practically snatched him out of my arms and didn’t give me a chance to react or clean him up myself.  Apparently because I am childless I don’t know how to handle this.  *More tugging at hear strings, incident three.*

Then I thought, really Mags?  You are going to let this get to you?!?  Nope! Oh, look, little D lost his shoe, I’ll put it back on for him.  (Little D doesn’t know me at all.)  Little D started to panic and almost fell backwards while I tried to help him with his shoe.  Luckily his mom (the old college friend) was there to catch him.  She totally brushed it off as no big deal, but it got to me.  *Commence final tugging at heart strings.* I felt SO out of place and pathetic that I was trying too hard.  I’m not a mom, I don’t fit in.  Why am I trying?

Mr. Mags and I left shortly after presents were opened and cake was shared.  I got in the car and cried a good portion of the 45 minute drive home.  Oh, and add that to feeling really pathetic.  I drove 45 minutes to go to a 3 year olds birthday party. 

*sigh*

I’m sure some of these feelings were exaggerated by hormones.  *please, oh please let that be it* September 11^th was CD2, so I’m going to blame it on that. 

Does anyone else out there ever feel that way?  Anyone……..?  Buller??  Buller ……??