Tips for Fertiles on How to Alienate Infertile Family and Friends:

• As a general rule of thumb, bring up said infertiles infertility issues as often as possible during any casual conversation or say, for example, at a family gathering.

• Make sure to constantly suggest to any infertile that they try adoption and proceed to tell them how your Aunt’s, sister’s, neighbor’s, cousin’s, college roommate adopted and, wha-la!  Pregnant!

• When said infertile has stated that they are on a break from fertility treatments, continue to ask them about non-existent fertility treatments.   Also, remind them not to practice “bad habits”, such as hiring an exterminator to spray infertiles house for bugs, when on said “break”.  Simply tell them, “Yes, I see you have a gazillion spiders, but you shouldn’t hire an exterminator to spray pesticides on your house while trying to get pregnant.”  Break-shmake.

• If you are, say, a new member of the infertiles family, for example, a newly married woman to said infertiles uncle, write a letter to said infertile suggesting that the infertile let go of “trying” and scrap IVF.  Also mention that it’s probably not “God’s Plan” for said infertile to have biological children and suggest, again, adoption.  Again, enforce letting go of said “Infertiles Plan” and embrace “God’s Plan”. 

• If you are the brother of an infertile, the following should be especially helpful to you:

1. During any of your baby’s waking hours, especially on a long weekend getaway to the family cabin with your infertile Brother and Sister-in-Law, make sure to keep the TV turned off.  Be sure to state that the TV is to remain off when said baby is awake because she becomes fixated with it.  Also state that said baby is entertainment enough.
2. Constantly “shush” anyone who attempts to have a conversation because they may wake the baby who is sleeping in the bedroom.  So what if there are three fans running and a white noise machine in the baby’s room to drown out a jet plane incase it passes overhead!
3.  After getting into an argument with your infertile brother about possibly waking the fertile brother’s  9 month old baby, proceed to tell yell to the infertile brother “Don’t tell me how to raise my kid!!  I’ll f*cking kill you!!  You have no f*cking idea what it’s like to have a baby!”  Make sure to do this on the same day that the infertile brother tells you of his wife’s third miscarriage. 
4.  Once the baby is asleep and the adults are ready to settle in to watch a movie, suggest that the movie selected is one that everyone has already seen, that way the volume can be turned down as low as possible and everyone will still know what is going on.  Continue “shushing” anyone who speaks within earshot.
5.  Act incredibly surprised when infertile Sister-in-Law enters your bedroom to wake you early the next morning with a non-hushed voice to tell you that the infertiles are leaving a day ahead of schedule and they have managed to pack up their belongings and travel up and down the stairs, with their dog (and shockingly your two dogs) following each time, directly above your and the baby’s room, all without waking any of you.  Be sure to have all three fans running and the white noise machine on so this is possible.  After all, they might WAKE THE BABY. 

• Always try and relate your 7 month “struggle” to get pregnant to any infertiles journey or life.  It really helps said infertile put in perspective just how long, say, 7 years really is.

•  It’s a good idea to throw a holiday party and hire a Santa for the children of friends and family to visit with.  Remember, anyone without a child is not invited and not welcome.

•  Constantly remind the infertile that it could be worse.  After all, THEY get to sleep in-the nerve!!

•  When in doubt, suggest the following: A vacation, just relax, and if it’s meant to be it’s meant to be.

Congratulations!  You have just successfully alienated your infertile friend or family member!!

*If you are a fertile and you managed to read through my snarky post, thank you!  We all stick our foot in our mouths sometime or another, including yours truly! Humor gets me through. :)

Thursday again!?

Holy smokes, it’s been 2 weeks!  Just goes to show you how busy I’ve been…oooorr that I haven’t had anything exciting to say to warrant a post. 

• It’s been 2 ½ weeks since I started Nutri.system.  I spoke WAY too soon, the food is NOT good.  A couple of deserts are good, most of it is fine, and some of it is downright get-your-behind-to-the-bathroom-this*crap*-is-not-staying-in-your-stomach awful.  Needless to say I will not be getting the chicken and dumplings EVER AGAIN. But, I’ve lost 11 pounds!  Yippee!

Please excuse the grainy yellowness!  Our walls are actually a soothing light khaki cream color and the tile actually matches quite nicely...so really this photo is not accurate at all and I didn't need to show you. Oh well.

• Mr. Mags and I finally had tile installed in our family room.  We’ve been living on subfloor for a (long) while now and it’s so nice to have a real floor again!  Now we just need to install baseboard, seal the tile and get a ginourmous area rug to make the room cozier.  Then we can move all of the furniture that is covering the rest of our house back where it belongs.  P-cat loves the empty room.  We’ve found several kitty toys in there already. 

• I have therapy again tonight.  I think it’s going well.  The majority of my sessions so far have been about my sister.  Odd.  I didn’t think she took up that much space in my life, but apparently she does!  I am the younger sister, but frequently act as the older sister.  I often feel guilty for having a husband and trying to build the family I so desperately want because my sister is single and wants a husband more than anything.  This guilt is often brought on by my sister with comments such as, “well, at least you have a husband”, but sometimes is of my own volition.  I’m working on this.  (She has only said this a handful of times, but it has really stuck with me.  Sometimes she say’s she’s joking after…but really?)

• As I mentioned in my last post, I went to lunch with L a couple of weekends ago and had a great time.  She also offered to be my surrogate again.  She had some complications with her last baby, so I thought she would want to, understandably, renege on her offer from long ago.  Apparently not!  I had mentioned how my friend D offered and she got all huffy and said something along the lines of, “Oh, well, ya know, that’s great…not that I have to be the one to do it, but I WANT TO BE THE ONE TO DO IT!” It was hysterical and so heartwarming to know I have friends who would want to “semi-battle” over potentially being a surrogate to Mr. Mags and my baby. 

• My Dad turned 62 yesterday so to celebrate, Mr. Mags and I are having my parents over for dinner on Saturday.  The menu: Russian.  My dad is half Russian and we always have a traditional Russian Christmas dinner on Easter.  Yea, I don’t get it either.  But it’s full of love, memories and sour cream-delicious!  Anyway, I thought it would be fun to make some of his childhood favorites and some new ones as well.

Thanks for reading!!

Thought Vomit Thursday

I don’t have a whole lot going on right now so ehh, why not?

• The verdict is in…I like therapy!  I went last Thursday and left feeling like a weight had been lifted and my feelings were validated.  I loved it!

• I have my third therapy appointment today and I am STILL nervous even though I really liked it last week.

• Tonight is game night at my parent’s house.  I am not a super huge fan of games, but Mr. Mags thought game night every other week with my parents would be swell, and I think he’s swell, so I went along with it.  My new favorite (like there was an old favorite) game is Far.kle.  I’ve got mad Far.kle skillz.  That’s right, I threw the “z” out there.

•  I started Nutri.System on Monday.  I have never done a diet like this with prepared meals before.  Ever.  Something about eating “shelf stable” food just didn’t sound appealing or healthy for that matter.  I have had pretty good results sticking to the South.Beach.Diet but lately that hasn’t been working for me and I had to do something to get some weight off!  So far, so good.  But like I said, I just started Monday so I’m in the honeymoon phase of, “OMG this diet is great I have so much energy and am so motivated!!”  Also, the food is good!  Not like, 5 star Michelin rated restaurant good, but “OMG this pasta tastes like Chef.Boyardee ravioli and I feel like I am eating junk food!” kind of good.  I’m not used to that.  Again-South.Beach girl here.  So far I’ve lost 4 pounds since Monday <insert applause here>….buuuut I’m thinking that could have something to do with my pre-diet dinner on Sunday night…an In.N.Out cheese burger and Mc.Donalds French fries.  Yes, Mr. Mags went to two places to get our dinner that night.  Fries are such a treat in our house that they apparently had to be the best so they had to be Mc.Donalds.

•  I’m going to see my friend L and her two boys this weekend.  We plan on mani/pedi’s and lunch out…although I’m not sure how I’m going to swing lunch out with my new fancy shelf stable diet.  Thoughts?

•  I am not doing any fertility treatments right now but am still taking 17 pills a day.  Yea, you read that correctly.  12 vitamins a day (those fancy schmancy prenatal/PCOS vitamins, 6 of which taste like raw rotten shrimp), 1 sy.nthroid, 2 met.formin, and 1 pro-biotic and amino acid because I have the digestive system of an 80 year old.

•  I’m super annoyed that I piled the green onions on my lunch salad and ran out of gum on the same day, nor have I replaced my work toothbrush.  Eww.  

 I hope you all have a fabulous weekend!