What to expect….

No, not when you’re expecting.  *hurumph*  What to expect from your first visit to therapy….like, first visit ever.  I finally made an appointment for a therapy/counseling/whatever-it’s-called session and it’s today.  *gulp*

I had been hemming and hawing about finding someone and putting off calling like nobody’s business.  Then the other day I found a woman who specializes in infertility and had, in fact, gone through her own IF journey.  I was intrigued and sent an email.  I thought well, maybe she will get it and email me back in a few days or weeks even.  You know those “contact me through the website” messages never seem to make it to the intended recipient.  What do you know, 30 minutes later I had an appointment set up to talk over the phone.  Sheesh, that was fast. 

We talked for about 10 minutes and the first thing she said to me was, “Mags, I’m SO sorry you are going through this.  No one should have to.”  She about damn near had me in tears right there!  Anyway, she sounds nice, so we will see what happens.

Here’s the thing though.  I’m nervous.  SUPER nervous.  I have never done this before and I don’t know what to expect.  I’m afraid I will walk in there and say, “Hi, I’m Mags and …bawwwaaaaaaaaa!!!!!” and start crying on the spot.  And then I will start talking to her between sobs and she will think, “wow, she’d be a crap mom.”  Or, that she’s going to judge me because I am overweight and want to have a baby and then ask me what I had for dinner last night and I am going to have to tell her that instead of having a salad with lots of veggies and chicken breast I made chicken enchilada’s with low fat cheese and whole grain tortillas served with non-fat re-fried beans and green beans and proceeded to follow that by eating 3 cookies!!!  

In all seriousness, I am nervous about what might come up.  What she might shed light on that I have swept under the rug…and ya know, maybe I just want to keep it under the rug.  I don’t know.

I guess I never saw myself needing therapy.  I have several friends who go and say it’s wonderful and everyone should go.  I agree that it sounds cool and maybe I should check it out, but I never do.  It’s not that I look down on it.  I don’t at all.  In fact from what I have read online and witnessed from above mentioned friends, it really does some beneficial.  I guess I just always thought I could do “it” on my own.  “It” being what ever is going on in my life at the time.  Plus I’m not a big sharer.  Could have fooled you, huh?  (Sharing on this blog has been a big step!)

Then I start to think about the fact that this whole baby thing has take up 7 years of my life and then I CANNOT believe I went 7 years with out seeking help or guidance!  Anyway, I will let you all know how it goes.  Wish me luck!