Perspective

This past weekend was my cousin’s baby shower I referred to in my last post.  Mr. Mags and I spent a LOT of time with my family.  It was both great and exhausting. 

I spent a lot of time with my cousin J.  We always fall right back into our routine of laughing at nothing and making silly jokes about everything.  We are about 4 months apart and at very different places in our lives, but found so much similarity in the pain we are going through right now.  A little background: We lived together for a year when we were going to college.  She lives in So. Cal. now and is very outdoorsy and athletic.  I live in Nor. Cal and was a choir girl (which just happened to be a very cool thing where I come from, thank-you-very-much) who likes to camp, at minimum, with a giant air mattress and down comforter.  She loves science and I love history.  I love to cook and bake and she makes a mean piece of toast. So, though we don’t have a lot of similar interests, we love each other to bits and thoroughly enjoy hanging out.

J got married a year and a half ago and is in the process of getting divorced.  She was with her husband for 9 years prior to their marriage.  The papers were just signed and her world has been turned upside down.  In a BIG way.  I will not get into specifics, but there was infidelity involved on her husband’s part and it all came crashing down.  We both are typically private people when it comes to our emotions, but when we get together, we always find ourselves sharing and exposing our vulnerabilities with each other.  (Could have been the beer and the wine, but really…who knows.  Errm…yea.)

She asked me all about IVF and I told her all of the glorious in’s-n-out’s (literally) that accompany it and she was astounded that I had gone through all of that.  I think the best part was seeing her face when I told her that I had to get a shot in my cervix so my RE could clamp it to be able to insert the catheter for a transfer.  By the time the weekend was over she didn’t flinch at me talking about “Vagina this…vagina that.”  It was entertaining to say the least.

It was also enlightening.  As I said, she was amazed that Mr. Mags and I have gone through what we have so far.  But when she started telling her story, I could not believe she was still standing and able to smile.  It was like a crazy movie.  Even for Lifetime!  I told her over and over I was so proud of her and can’t believe she has gone through all this.  We both thought each other had it worse off and I think we both were enlightened with a new perspective and realized the blessings that we have been afforded. 

Though I can’t help but think she really does have it worse off.  She is newly divorced and almost 31, nowhere near ready to even think about dating and does eventually want kids.  She said she was glad that I didn’t go to the baby shower.  She was the only single, childless one there and everyone was telling their birth stories and tales of their kids.  I asked her if it was hard for her knowing that she wanted children.  She though about it for a second, and looking very serious she said, “Yea, it was kind of hard.  It reminds you of a crushed dream.  But I was so hung over from staying up with you until 5:30 A.M. the night before that I didn’t really care.”  *whistles looking around*  That’s a blog post for another day my friends.  We both had a good laugh and went to bed shortly after.  At 9:00 P.M.  Sure don’t bounce back like we used to!

To be honest, what really cinched my new found perspective was something so small, yet at the time felt like a huge lifesaver.  By the time 5:30 AM rolled around and I was finally able to convince my beloved cousin that, “Yes, it really is time to go to bed” I realized I hadn’t actually made the bed.  Drat!!  I went to get the sheets out of the dryer and they were gone.  I went to the guest room and Mr. Mags, who had long since gone to sleep, had made the guest bed while J and I gabbed about infidelity and vaginas.  I was SO grateful and in that moment and was so thankful for him.  It’s those little things, like making the guest bed because he knew we were going to be up until 1:00 A.M. 5:30 A.M., that Mr. Mags does that remind me just how lucky I am.  I have a man with perfect sperm who loves me with all of my hormone imbalances and uterine anomaly.  Of course neither of us are perfect, but we have each other to lean on (or in my case occasionally cling to) and I am SO grateful. 

Mr. Mags, I love you SO much and thank you for being the man you are.  You are a pillar of strength for me.*

(Please, oh please let me stay in this space of feeling thankful and happy for a really, really long time!)

*I swore I would never write a gushy post about “how wonderful my hubby is blah, blah, blah”.  But come on, he made the bed and even turned down the corner!  AND he cleaned the litter box!!  *swoon*